Boink and Grow Rich

Sex and money have a lot in common. Most people want both, and lots of people are willing to do anything to get either. This is why so many sexually prolific people are also successful. They also tend to be ruthless. This runs contrary to traditional wisdom. Back in the 1930s Napoleon Hill wrote a book called Think and Grow Rich. Since then, more than seventy million people worldwide have bought the book. I'm sure a few of them thought and grew rich, but I'll bet most of them read and stayed poor. Hill wasn't engaging in New Age "Envision wealth and it will come to you!" nonsense, no, his is a different kind of nonsense, more a motivational book--how to attract yourself to wealth through discipline, right thinking, etc. Much like Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, it's a book about emulating the best behaviors of people who have "made it." Now, there will always be scoffers on the sidelines jeering at such books, their authors, and the people who seek to better themselves through reading them, and I'm only one of those scoffers, which probably explains a lot about me; but I tend to think that each person's journey is unique and valuable, and "success" a word that describes living one's unique life with integrity. But to these authors, wealth and success are inextricably connected. One being a measure of the other. What neither author discusses, however, is how important "making it" is to success. Quite the contrary: Hill called his chapter eleven "The Mystery of Sex Transmutation." I quote from it:

A river may be dammed, and its water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet. The same is true of the emotion of sex. It may be submerged and controlled for a time, but its very nature causes it to be ever seeking means of expression. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.

You can surely guess what that "less worthy outlet" is. The less worthy outlet of sexual desire is actually having sex. You can't be creative and be sexually active. So much for creative sex, if not pro-creative sex. See, if we have too much sex, like, say, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy, Hugh Hefner, King Solomon (700 wives, 300 concubines), Picasso, Wilt Chamberlin, Mick Jagger, James Boswell, Babe Ruth, Fidel Castro, Dominique Strauss-Kahn (the French IMF Managing Director), and all the others we know and don't know about, we have much less chance of succeeding. Granted these are not all particularly savory people, but sex clearly was not a major obstacle to their success. In fact, Germany’s Institute for the Study of Labor found in a research study that people who are not sexually active make less money than those who are. In fact, those who have sex four or more times a week make more money than those who have less sex. Fuck me! Please. Who knew? This is clearly why I have been struggling financially. Hill should have written a book called Schtup and Grow Rich, though that title would never have seen the light of day in 1937.

In my admittedly limited experience, people only gain wealth in a few ways (these do not coincide with either Hill's or Covey's chapters):

1. Accident of Birth
2. Smart Work
3. Wise Consistency
4. Being Some Kind of Genius
5. Being Lucky
6. Physical Beauty

The reason successful people have more sex is that the qualities listed above are also quite effective at getting a person laid. And more than half are arguably transmitted via DNA, genetics . . . breeding. Every now and then a genius branch pops up on the dullest of family trees, and of course idiots emerge from elite soil. But if there is anything we have learned from modern history it is that money tends to migrate to, remain in, and increase in the hands of the elite, that stubborn 1-5%; and they tend to be rather selective about with whom they breed. And none of the motivational books explain how you manage to be born to elite parents, which, along with intelligence, is the most certain indicator of "success." We've all heard the stories of "ordinary" lottery winners whose lives are ruined by their "good" fortune. Since they have no inner grid into which wealth fits they don't know how to handle it, and so they mishandle it. This makes perfect sense. If you are an ordinary person with ordinary sensibilities--greed, lust, good values, compassion, friends, and generosity, then you aren't smart enough to forget your friends, hoard and invest your money wisely, and watch it grow. You give it away, spend it on stupid things like sex (while you can), make dumb investments, quit your job, and end up in worse shape than you were before, with even less sex, and therefore even less money, and therefore even less sex. If you want to know how to handle wealth, and have more sex, grow up in a wealthy family.

An important question: Can you gain wealth by having sex only by yourself? And the answer is no. If you want to get rich you have to fuck other people.

In the end, the getting of wealth remains something of a mystery. If you are not well born enough, smart enough, or stupid enough to figure out how to get it on your own, you must depend upon sheer luck--and good luck waiting for that bolt of lightening to strike you. But trying to have more sex with others might just help attract that lightening. Why? It's not the sex itself, it's that finding a willing lover takes initiative and a little luck (paying for it doesn't count): you'll meet more people, network, get out more, maybe pick up a few hot investment tips, and work up some creative passion . . . you'll have to care about something enough to get off your ass to get back on your ass. There is an awful lot of money in the world--our government creates more of it every month out of thin air--plenty to go around; however, you don't get any unless you are connected enough to tap into it, or very smart, or very beautiful, or very lucky, or just figure out a way to have more sex.

I got a little carried away writing this post. I really wanted to talk about the mystery of money, and assert that anyone can get it if they care enough. The hilarious truth is that most people don't--care enough, that is. Most people know on some intuitive or unconscious level that too much is too much; it's unhealthy, can be deadly or worse: spiritually deadly. There is another part of us that simply wants, desires, and demands more. We are self destructive, those of us who are not part of the elite. Thank God for that helpful 1-5% of us that guards most of the wealth from the rest of us. They are doing us all a big favor. And they are afraid, very afraid, that you might boink your way into their wallets.