"Low T"

The English, some say the French (they can settle that one), gave the world "high tea" somewhere in the 17th century. Our great nation, more particularly, our great pharmaceutical industry, even more particularly, Abbott Laboratories and Solvey Pharmaceuticals, have given the world, or at least 25% of men over 40, Low T, or hypogonadism, a less catchy but more entertaining term for this pandemic--yes, pandemic, and I can prove it. Join me and take the Low T test:

1. Have you found that you are older than you once were?
2. Are you commiting fewer assaults, starting fewer wars, feeling just plain nicer than you used to?
3. Is your 100 meter time slower than other men of your age and sexual orientation, or the women you stalk?
4. Have you noticed that, as a senior citizen (if you are one), that women in their 20s (30s, and 40s) are less sexually attracted to you?
5. Is there any hair on your body?
6. What sounds better: doing the horizontal mambo, watching Dancing With the Stars, doing both simultaneously, or watching American Guns and "polishing your sidearm?"
7. Do you still undress women with your eyes?
           A. If so, how did you acquire this super power?
           B. If not, what body part(s) do you use to undress them?
8. Are you missing more than one testicle?
9. Do you sometimes feel invisible to attractive women? If so:
           A. How did you acquire this super power?
           B. Do you live near a home for attractive blind women?
           C. Do you tend to wear camouflage clothing?
10. Has your body changed in undesirable ways? For instance:
           A. A second (or third) penis growing on your forehead and/or chin?
           B. Further diminishment in an already inadequate organ?
           C. Wrinkles, nose and/or ear hair, "enhanced" ear lobes, excessive vulnerability to gravity?

Fact: Between 25% and 30% of men over age 40 are affected by Low T. Only 10% of those affected actually have Low T, the rest just annoy the remaining 90% with their incessant whining.

Your Score: Ifyou were able to answer more than three of these questions, you have too much time on your hands. What's more, you almost certainly suffer from one or more of the following conditions: Low Self-esteem, Low IQ, Low Rider Disorder, Gravity (a.k.a. "Low Hanging Fruit Syndrome), Low Down Dirty Dogism, Lower End Superpowers, Low Blood Pressure, and possibly, (though the odds are about the same as that you are now a child living in poverty in Britain) you might have Low-T, as do 50% of male children living in poverty in Britain.

For further testing, check out this Low T site. After you look at the site, see if you came away with the same impressions that I did (keep clicking NEXT SYMPTOM >):

1. Low T affects various men this order: Shadow men, Black men on white couches, White men with bark-o-loungers and remote controls, ambiguously Asian (Hispanic?) men obsessed with their weight, middle aged guys on floating chairs, White studs who would rather pray than perform.

2. Click "WHAT YOU CAN DO." Clearly Black men are at greater risk for Low T, especially if they resemble Bill Cosby in a white hospital gown, and are much shorter than their White doctors.

3. No one smiles until they are bring treated for Low-T, though they do pray, watch television, weigh themselves compulsively, and sit on floating chairs.

4. People with Low T cast a long shadow. Those under treatment have no shadow at all.