Snakes I Know

            The Chinese Year of the Snake began last Sunday. I'm hoping for 365 days of good things, because, God knows, the last 365 were pretty pathetic. I am a snake, my son is a snake, and my partner is a snake. My life is a veritable snake pit. The snake is an auspicious sign, however. It is also called the "little dragon" in Chinese (小龍--xiao long). There's a Chinese writer called Qiu Xiao-Long who wrote a series of terrific detective novels about an Inspector Chen. And guess what? He was born in 1953. He's a fellow snake. The  Dragon is perhaps the most auspicious sign in the Chinese zodiac, depending upon what characteristics you value, so a little dragon can be a very good thing, too. There is no association between the snake and sin, or a fall from grace in Chinese culture, though on the festival of Double Five (or the Dragon Boat Festival), it is one of the five potentially dangerous creatures that must be driven away. And, let's face it, snakes can be dangerous: 11% of their species are venomous, the Belcher's Sea Snake venom being the most poisonous--one squirt sufficient to kill a thousand people. Of course, this leaves 89% of the species relatively harmless, about the same ratio as for human beings. As it happens, those of us born in 1953 are water snakes. My son Dan, 1977, is a fire snake, my partner, 1965, is a wood snake. I'm also a Scorpio snake (the worst kind), but Dan is a Taurus snake (pretty good), and Maria~Elena is a Libra snake (the very best kind).
            All of this is meaningless, of course, unless you ascribe meaning to it, reflect upon it, apply it's insights to your life. I personally ascribe no objective truth to it, but one can still gain insight by looking into it. If you've ever had your astrological chart done, for instance, it can be a pretty astonishing experience, though I ascribe no objective truth to that either. Living in Santa Fe, this puts me solidly in the minority. Everything is true here, and sometimes I wish it really was. Several weeks ago, at Trader Joe's, a psychic put her hand on my arm and said "February 18th! You will get a book contract on February 18th." I didn't ask for this information, I'd merely told her, as I scanned her purchases, that I was a starving writer working part-time at Santa Fe's grocery of choice. This makes for great fun, as Santa Fe is surely one of the best places in the country to work check-out, especially at Trader Joe's, where most people expect you to make some pleasant conversation with them, and a good many of them are from another dimension.
            One evening at work, old Tom Jones songs were being played over the sound system (What's New Pussycat!?). I told the woman whose groceries I was tallying that I'd forgotten how much I liked those goofy songs--that it took me way back to the time I'd seen him in Las Vegas, as a child, and had thrown my underwear onto the stage. She didn't laugh, she just grinned and said, "That's funny. That's really funny," as if she didn't expect to be hit with a stupid joke checking out that night. "You're a Scorpio, aren't you!" she enthused. Pretty good guess. She only had a one-in-twelve chance of getting that right. "And a water snake, I'll bet." . . . well, she could have guessed my age on that one. Then she said, and if I'm lyin' I'm dyin' (recall that human beings are both flawed and mortal), "Something tells me that February 18th is going to be a very special day for you." Now this was truly remarkable, unless these aliens were in collusion and setting me up for some kind of clever Santa Fe prank.
           If there is one thing we snake Scorpios are not, it is credulous. I only know I'm driving up to Denver on February 18, then crashing at my sister's place. I will have with me the traditional case of Two Buck Chuck Cabernet (now two-fifty in Cali, and still three bucks here) to restock her wine rack. Then I will drink most of it and insist upon reimbursement. Frankly, I don't give a shit what happens beyond that on February 18. I'm not expecting a book contract. But I have very fond hopes and prayers for February 19. In fact, I don't need 365 good days in this Year of the Snake (in fact, it's the year of the Water Snake, the Chinese zodiac being on a 60 year cycle), I'll trade them all for only one.